Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Xanth » Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:49 am

Actually, all these emotions we feel... a lot of the time, people blame others for making them angry, when the truth of the matter is that you CHOOSE to feel anger, or sadness at any given situation. You can just as easily choose to feel happy.

Understanding WHY you feel the way you do and WHY you've chosen to feel the way you do is paramount to spiritual growth. It's the understanding that YOU are in direct control of your own emotions and anytime you say "but their actions made me angry", you're giving way too much power over yourself to others.

This image illustrates what I'm referring to in a very minor way.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby astralzombie » Mon Apr 01, 2013 8:01 am

Oh hell, that's funny Xanth.

I agree that anger is useful so long as we acknowledge why we became angry and work on not letting that affect us in a negative manner again. That's one of the reasons why exist physically I believe. Certain concepts seem abstract when they are experienced in the NPR. Existing under physical laws makes us see things differently.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Xanth » Mon Apr 01, 2013 8:07 am

Yeah, I really love that image. LoL
I look at it every once in a while when I choose to feel anger over something. The silly robe is rather calming to look at. :D

Think about how much more positive you'd be if you did the action that the anger enticed you into... without requiring the anger to begin with. :)
A much more powerful statement occurs.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Mon Apr 01, 2013 3:20 pm

Xanth wrote:Actually, all these emotions we feel... a lot of the time, people blame others for making them angry, when the truth of the matter is that you CHOOSE to feel anger, or sadness at any given situation. You can just as easily choose to feel happy.

Understanding WHY you feel the way you do and WHY you've chosen to feel the way you do is paramount to spiritual growth. It's the understanding that YOU are in direct control of your own emotions and anytime you say "but their actions made me angry", you're giving way too much power over yourself to others.

This image illustrates what I'm referring to in a very minor way.
Image


I disagree, if you are choosing your emotions arbitrarily they aren't really emotions or real feelings at all, sounds more like delusion. When a real emotion hits you like the death of a friend, you can't just choose to be happy. Or if you can, don't take this the wrong way but that seems a bit off to me.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby astralzombie » Mon Apr 01, 2013 4:31 pm

I know what you're saying but isn't that what we're told to do all the time. Instead of mourning the death, celebrate their life. That kind of stuff.

How we emotionally respond to certain situations is a choice. If it wasn't, we would all respond universally to the same things. Some people get upset over certain things and others choose to laugh or not be affected it by it much in any way.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:13 pm

I dunno sometimes when bad things happen I just don't have a choice at all. This may be going a bit too personal but one of my closest life long friends who I have known since I was about 5 years old has been found guilty of rape and is going to jail to 8 years. I would like to lok at this in a positive way and just be happy, but sometimes the reality is its a really dark thing and I feel nothing but an ocean of pain that overwhelms me, I fail to see choice. To me those who think we can blissfully mold our reality to our liking live in a small bubble where they can do just that, to me the reality is beyond me and my control. You all talk of not getting angry at people in sort of every day situations, I can understand all that. But there are some levels of emotion that we simply have no control over, and you don't really understand it until you leave the bubble.

Of course being exposed to it in some ways to give you some degree of control after a while, every time we reach out we learn a little more.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Xanth » Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:38 pm

Jack Reacher wrote:I dunno sometimes when bad things happen I just don't have a choice at all. This may be going a bit too personal but one of my closest life long friends who I have known since I was about 5 years old has been found guilty of rape and is going to jail to 8 years. I would like to lok at this in a positive way and just be happy, but sometimes the reality is its a really dark thing and I feel nothing but an ocean of pain that overwhelms me, I fail to see choice. To me those who think we can blissfully mold our reality to our liking live in a small bubble where they can do just that, to me the reality is beyond me and my control. You all talk of not getting angry at people in sort of every day situations, I can understand all that. But there are some levels of emotion that we simply have no control over, and you don't really understand it until you leave the bubble.

Of course being exposed to it in some ways to give you some degree of control after a while, every time we reach out we learn a little more.

But you're choosing to not only see that situation as a bad thing, you're also choosing to react in that manner.

There are always positives in everything that can happen. In regards to your friend... can you think of any positives that would come out of his incarceration?

It's kind of like always looking for the silver lining. lol

Obviously, I don't expect you to believe me when I say that how you react to something is a choice. It's not a reaction then, it's an action you've made. But, I know it's possible, because I live my life in this manner.
Sure, I get upset and angry at crap still... but I recognize it as a failure in myself, not that I've allowed someone to get me upset or angry. Then I try to identify WHY I chose to be upset or angry and attempt to change my perception of the event in order for me to not make the same choice again.

The point is that it never gets to that "bubble" point, where you POP. It's a lot of hard work to deprogram yourself as per what society has taught you all your life... but it's well worth the effort. I hardly get angry anymore... upset is another thing entirely for me though, and I'm working through those issues as well slowly. I choose to be happy in as many situations as I'm allowing myself to be happy in. :)
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Xanth » Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:59 pm

My first real example of this was back when my first dog was put down... she was a 16 year old cockerspanial.
I loved her to death, yet I wasn't saddened when they had to put her down because I knew she had had a long and happy life with us.
That made me happy knowing that she could rest. :)

That was before I realized all this stuff though. LoL
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:56 pm

Lionheart wrote:
Jack Reacher wrote:I dunno sometimes when bad things happen I just don't have a choice at all. This may be going a bit too personal but one of my closest life long friends who I have known since I was about 5 years old has been found guilty of rape and is going to jail to 8 years. I would like to lok at this in a positive way and just be happy, but sometimes the reality is its a really dark thing and I feel nothing but an ocean of pain that overwhelms me, I fail to see choice. To me those who think we can blissfully mold our reality to our liking live in a small bubble where they can do just that, to me the reality is beyond me and my control. You all talk of not getting angry at people in sort of every day situations, I can understand all that. But there are some levels of emotion that we simply have no control over, and you don't really understand it until you leave the bubble.

Of course being exposed to it in some ways to give you some degree of control after a while, every time we reach out we learn a little more.



It's not that people are ignoring the feeling or not feeling the emotion.

It's that they are understanding the reasons behind that emotion and from that understanding, comes the way in how they deal with it.

Ex. A person close to you passes on. Your first emotion is sadness for the loss.

But, then you realize, from what you now know to be true, that this isn't the end, just a time out, before they continue with their existence.

This realization now gives you a new "take" on the current Death of your friend and in that creates a totally new emotion to it.

You don't get consumed by it, having it stop you in your tracks or becoming stuck in it, as so many people do.

The memory of them will never go away. So you are always left with that, creating a "peace of mind" of sorts.

You just Thank them for being a welcomed part of your life and what you shared together, during it! :)


This has nothing to do with what im talking about, its just you guys telling me how I should feel. The point I was making was that sometimes when the feeling is too strong you can't choose to look away, to feel sad. It just happens. At least I can't because I know its a real feeling. You say you live your life choosing to see the positives, thats great, good for you. Not everyone is that way though, some people don't have that luxury of choice. I also don't know what you mean by a time out, that it isn't the end. The whole point of death is that it is the end, otherwise we wouldn't be having this discussion. It is the end of you. Forever.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:26 pm

What has any of that got to do with our choice in whether we feel emotions?
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Tue Apr 02, 2013 12:25 am

Like I said before I agree with the small every day stuff, a normal person should be able to hold their anger at times like that.

I am argueing however that there are some times in your life, some events that occur, where you simply don't have a choice regardless of what you see. Sure you may understand or see the positive aspects of what happened or you may understand the causal factors as to why that happened, that doesn't always mean you can choose to just shrug off the negativity, and this is because it is a real thing. Some things just overtake us, and I gave a real personal example of what happened to me, or rather my friend (although im regretting doing so as its too deep of a topic for me).
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Tue Apr 02, 2013 1:43 am

Lionheart wrote:
Jack Reacher wrote:Like I said before I agree with the small every day stuff, a normal person should be able to hold their anger at times like that.

I am argueing however that there are some times in your life, some events that occur, where you simply don't have a choice regardless of what you see. Sure you may understand or see the positive aspects of what happened or you may understand the causal factors as to why that happened, that doesn't always mean you can choose to just shrug off the negativity, and this is because it is a real thing. Some things just overtake us, and I gave a real personal example of what happened to me, or rather my friend (although im regretting doing so as its too deep of a topic for me).

I agree, they do initially overtake us. But then we understand the "higher purpose" behind them.

Sometimes it takes years to find this "purpose", but we do. You will too.

It's part of growing up!

Trust me, I haven't always thought this way.

I changed the way I dealt with things, once I was shown things myself.


Yup, the purpose of feeling this pain is so we can grow up to deal with that same pain. Uh.....what?

I think that learning is just a random consequence, it just doesn't have to be that way. I don't see my friend sitting in prison wasting his youth part of some higher plan to let me grow up so i can just push away those feelings.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:18 am

I don't mean to imply that, I know he should be punished. That doesn't stop me feeling bad for him, and bad for the fact he did it. you know what I would rather not have this conversation with you.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Jack Reacher » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:35 am

Its not healing its frustrating, im trying to make a simple point about how sometimes in life we can't control our emotions. Im not trying to talk about what life is about, whether he deserved it or not, or some random higher purpose that you keep sputtering out.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby astralzombie » Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:28 am

Hi Jack.

This has become emotional for you and that is understandable. I will share a story as well.

My grandfather (my dad's dad) was a pedophile. He molested no less than ten girls including my youngest sister. He died when I was nine years old and none of this stuff came out until after his death. And guess what, I loved him and still do. He was a great man to me and many of my best memories are from time spent with him. I was angry for years after I found out though.

Here's the sick part. I wasn't angry at him in the beginning. I was angry at my sister and the other girls for speaking out about him even though I knew they were telling the truth. Then about ten years later, my sister and a few of my female cousins who shared this horrible thing in common, all got together and worked through their trauma. We have a huge family and this whole ordeal divided the family in half just about.

Then I became angry at myself for being angry with my sisters and cousins for speaking out about what had happened to them. To make along story short, we all celebrate my grandfather again for being a great man who had many huge moral failings. It was killing all of us one way or another and we have turned that around.

I know a child molester is the lowest form there is but when you love that person, you have to forgive or it will only hurt you. Jack, I can tell you still feel close to your friend and that is how it should be. Society tells us to turn our back on them even though our hearts tell us not to. Our hearts never lie and society never gets it right.

Sometimes the people we love are struggling with something inside them that they can't control. I lost one of my best friends two years ago to a suicide because he was struggling with a drug addiction and he jumped in front of a car to be killed. Until recently, I couldn't think about it without crying or getting pist at him for what he did. Now. I laugh at the good times I remember. There is no higher purpose for the things that happen. The higher purpose lies in the ways we deal with them.
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby Xanth » Tue Apr 02, 2013 6:09 am

All I can say is that I live my life this way now and I'm so much happier than I've ever been. :-)
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Re: Spirituality – Why I Can’t Get Mad At People

Postby astralzombie » Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:35 am

Xanth wrote:All I can say is that I live my life this way now and I'm so much happier than I've ever been. :-)


And all I can say is that I am starting to fell that way.
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