I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

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I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:53 am

I'm not sure if any of you can relate but I am 33 and still single. I come from a very large family that seems to only equate happiness with getting married and having a ton of kids. So, I'm constantly having to deal with their crap about getting married and how I'm wasting time and so on.

It's not that I don't want all that some day but right now, I'm too independent and can't imagine having to be responsible for anybody but my self. I can go anywhere and do anything on a whim while a lot of the people I know have to make elaborate excuses just to go drink a beer at some bar. They complain about how miserable they are and then proceed to tell me to do the same.

Well, anyways, a girl that I have always crushed on since grade school called me out of the blue to say that she was gonna be in town for the weekend and wanted to get together. That sounded like awesomeness to me. Since I was seven or so, I must have professed my "love" to her a hundred times over the years. Couple that with all the recent pressure on me and I couldn't help but entertain the idea that there was possibly something larger at work. I have to admit that I thought about marrying her many times as a goofy kid.

So, tonight was the big night. And right from the word go, I knew this was all gonna be a waste of time. She was the same old shallow person that she always was. But we ignore all that stuff when we crush hard for someone.

Then alarm #2 went off. She told me about her beautiful little girl that has never met her real daddy. She couldn't wait to introduce us because she knows I will just fall in love with her. Well, I know she's probably right but that doesn't mean I'm ready to be a father, much less a miserable husband.

Since there really are no interesting details, I'll get straight to the point. It was kind of sad having to let go of a little fantasy that I didn't realize I was even holding on to. In a very real way, it was a lot like finding out the truth about Santa Claus.

The end.

*edit* I changed the last sentence to more accurately reflect my intention since no man's truth is the same for everyone ;) . Besides, I love the jolly old fat guy myself.
Last edited by astralzombie on Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby ChopstickFox » Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:56 am

What do you mean Santa isn't real? ;_; *cries*

Perhaps this was something larger at work, but not in a negative way. Things will happen when they're meant to.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Xanth » Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:40 am

astralzombie wrote:I'm not sure if any of you can relate but I am 33 and still single. I come from a very large family that seems to only equate happiness with getting married and having a ton of kids. So, I'm constantly having to deal with their crap about getting married and how I'm wasting time and so on.

Oh, do I ever understand this.
Suffice to say, I've been "with" my gf for about 8 years now. We've been living together for the past 3 in the house we bought together.
So the question has constantly been for both of us "so when are you getting married?!"... I really don't believe much in marriage, because getting married is meaningless to me. It doesn't change a thing in our relationship... it only changes how OTHERS view our relationship, and you probably know about me that I really don't care what others think about me.
Anyway, time went by and I did ask her to marry me last Summer. So all is good and well... I'm fine with that really.
NOW it's "so have you picked a date!" ... NO!! We haven't really even spoken much about it since that day. Why? Because neither of us really cares much about the label of "married". LoL
But now that we're engaged... the baby-talk has started even more so than before! OMG... I wanna shoot some people sometime.

You're right... some people truly believe that to be happy in this world on *MUST* get married and have kids... there's apparently no other way to do it. >_<

I'm with you though... my fiance and I do have some commitments to deal with, but for the most part we can just get up and go do whatever we want, when we want. It's nice. We pretty much both don't want kids... because we like having money and freedom. LoL

So yeah, I definitely understand your pain.

It's not that I don't want all that some day but right now, I'm too independent and can't imagine having to be responsible for anybody but my self. I can go anywhere and do anything on a whim while a lot of the people I know have to make elaborate excuses just to go drink a beer at some bar. They complain about how miserable they are and then proceed to tell me to do the same.

Well, anyways, a girl that I have always crushed on since grade school called me out of the blue to say that she was gonna be in town for the weekend and wanted to get together. That sounded like awesomeness to me. Since I was seven or so, I must have professed my "love" to her a hundred times over the years. Couple that with all the recent pressure on me and I couldn't help but entertain the idea that there was possibly something larger at work. I have to admit that I thought about marrying her many times as a goofy kid.

So, tonight was the big night. And right from the word go, I knew this was all gonna be a waste of time. She was the same old shallow person that she always was. But we ignore all that stuff when we crush hard for someone.

Then alarm #2 went off. She told me about her beautiful little girl that has never met her real daddy. She couldn't wait to introduce us because she knows I will just fall in love with her. Well, I know she's probably right but that doesn't mean I'm ready to be a father, much less a miserable husband.

Since there really are no interesting details, I'll get straight to the point. It was kind of sad having to let go of a little fantasy that I didn't realize I was even holding on to. In a very real way, it was a lot like finding out that Santa Claus was never real real.

The end.

For the rest of this stuff...
At least you had the balls to tell her how you felt over all those years.
I've crushed on many girls throughout my life and never told them... talk about regret about what might have been.

So I wouldn't call this "letting go of a fantasy"... you can look at it more positively as, "you found something that doesn't work for you." :)
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Sat Mar 23, 2013 3:23 pm

ChopstickFox wrote:What do you mean Santa isn't real? ;_; *cries*

Perhaps this was something larger at work, but not in a negative way. Things will happen when they're meant to.


No...Chops, I meant that Santa stops being real for kids once they reach a certain age. He's very real and is doing fine. He's a little worried about the polar ice caps but he's coping. But I do have to tell you something about the tooth fairy. It's gonna be brutally honest so I'll do it in a PM if you prefer.

Lion- I think you're right about fantasies needing to stay just that, a fantasy. I know that contemplating marriage is a crazy thing to consider from a single phone call after years of no contact but so many amazing things have been happening lately that I am almost expecting all kinds of crazy things to come true now. After thinking about it, I still don't want to get married for the sake of being married so this did work out for the best. But there's nothing wrong with some good company (which she wasn't), plus she lives in Dallas and that's a seven hour one way trip. No company is worth that. Love is worth ang hardship but company...not so much.

Xanth-I think you and Beedeekin are on to something. The only thing wrong with living with your partner and not getting married is society's problem. All of us here have pretty much figured out that society is wrong about 98% of the time anyhow.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Xanth » Sat Mar 23, 2013 3:36 pm

astralzombie wrote:Xanth-I think you and Beedeekin are on to something. The only thing wrong with living with your partner and not getting married is society's problem. All of us here have pretty much figured out that society is wrong about 98% of the time anyhow.

98% is probably being a tad too generous in regards to society. ;)
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Szaxx » Sat Mar 23, 2013 4:11 pm

Don't worry about society. Im not married, never have been, looks like it'll not happen anytime soon either. Been with my gf for 25 years in July. What a waste of time :o
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Sat Mar 23, 2013 5:51 pm

What a bunch of like minded and smart folks. From my tiny perspective of the world and coming from the deep South, it's unusual to see so many peeps living with their partners unmarried.

I need to pull an intervention with my family and friends and parade you guys through and give them your testimonies. We can offer them a ten minute trip to the astral via Lionheart's Laxman to help rehabilitate them :D
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A different perspective.

Postby CFTraveler » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:00 pm

Ok. Beginning of rant.
First of all, I believe in Santa Claus. Because Santa Claus is that spirit that overcomes you when the lights are out and you feel compelled to buy stuff for your kid(s), decorate the house and come up with wild and fascinating stories of old. Listening to music that reminds you of when you were happy and innocent, giving to someone who needs it (there's nothing like giving to someone than needs it, and Christmas seems to be the only 'official' season in which everybody gets involved- and that's good, IMO.)
Sure, there is a time when you get to a certain age when you find out that there is no fat old man in a red suit who can appear in your house and give you presents. But the archetype is real, and that's why I believe in Santa Claus. Yes, Virginia! There is a Santa Claus.

Ok. Now for the other thing.

Marriage is something that society makes you do. It's not that it's right or that it's wrong, but it's an official convention that societies created, originally to fuse families together (in the days where familial names mattered in politics) ensuring all kinds of things, such as inheritances and such. In other words, contracts between families, tribes and sometimes countries. They serve a social function because they are social conventions. Like giving your cousin a job or asking your old classmates to sell your latest books. Part of 'how things are done'.
Nowadays, certain groups have tried to use marriage to justify exclusion, labeling marriage as 'sacred' and other bs., because they want to impose their moral rules and prejudices towards the larger society. Which is too bad.
What is marriage good for? Enforcing legal things, such as giving spouses the right to visit someone in the hospital, and sometimes speak for them when they can't speak for themselves. That's why some people believe (and I agree) that if you're going to have children you should get married. The idea that you can have children and somehow remain 'independent', is in my view ridiculous and ingenuous, at least.
So really, marriage is something that works when there are children in the picture, but if your relationship is such that you don't need to include your families-of origin, then it is not really necessary, in modern society.
End of rant.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Xanth » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:02 pm

Beautiful rant, as usual, CFT. :)
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:27 pm

CFT- That was a very good explanation behind the origin of marriage since everyone points to religious reasons first. Better yet, it explains why it's still relevant in many instances and why it isn't always applicable in some cases. I completely agree with you concerning the issue when kids are involved. When little rascals enter the picture, many things change. I'm not saying anybody should get married for that reason alone but it's irresponsible to say the least, if you can't work something out to the benefit of the child. This doesn't necessarily mean getting married but it does mean getting it right (whatever that may be).
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby ChopstickFox » Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:02 am

My husband and I needed to do the whole marriage on paper thing over a year ago because otherwise America wasn't going to let him back into the country after we visited China. If not for all the legal mumbo jumbo we probably would have waited. Sometimes it just can't be avoided. @_@

Did I really just say that?

"Why did you get married?"
"So we would be allowed to live in the same country..."

SNAP!
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:31 am

ChopstickFox wrote:My husband and I needed to do the whole marriage on paper thing over a year ago because otherwise America wasn't going to let him back into the country after we visited China. If not for all the legal mumbo jumbo we probably would have waited. Sometimes it just can't be avoided. @_@

Did I really just say that?

"Why did you get married?"
"So we would be allowed to live in the same country..."

SNAP!


When it comes to love, anything that reenforces it, is always the right thing to do.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Bedeekin » Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:51 pm

Ha... I been with my kathryn for 23 years... and we scoff at marriage. It would be hypocritical for us to get married with our views on church. I often wonder why gay people worry about it. Just ditch the church dudes and get married under your own steam.

Anyway... I think that I would probably burst into flames if I said any vows in a church.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Xanth » Sun Mar 24, 2013 7:34 pm

Bedeekin wrote:Ha... I been with my kathryn for 23 years... and we scoff at marriage. It would be hypocritical for us to get married with our views on church. I often wonder why gay people worry about it. Just ditch the church dudes and get married under your own steam.

Anyway... I think that I would probably burst into flames if I said any vows in a church.

For the most part, I hold pretty much the same belief.
Although, CFT also makes a wonderful point about marriage providing rights and permissions... also, I hear there are some tax breaks for being married. :D LoL
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Bedeekin » Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:30 pm

Aaaah... I see.

Rights and permissions are obviously a benefit.

I think in the UK you can do this without being married... I know we filled something out a few years back that entitled us to the same sort of permissions and rights... I'm sure.

Both Kath and I do have strict views on marriage. That if a couple want to get married they must cohabit for at least 3 - 5 years to prove they can live in each others faces.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby CFTraveler » Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:54 pm

What I find shocking is that an unmarried couple for example, if one of them is in the hospital, can be denied visiting rights, especially if their biological (legal) family decides to remove them. So let's say, if I get very sick and end in the hospital hooked up to machines, my husband is 'officially' part of the family and can come visit me, but if we were not married, my siblings (or parents, when they were alive) could have just said no, he can't visit. And they could enforce this, including the right to pull the plug. :)
Imagine a partner of many years (and possibly children) not being allowed to visit you or make any decisions that you may have discussed in the past, because you're not married. Then imagine not being able to.
I find that people should live together before getting married, and needing to decide they couldn't live without each other before they get married. But that's my opinion only.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Mon Mar 25, 2013 2:39 pm

XANTH- For the rest of this stuff...
At least you had the balls to tell her how you felt over all those years.
I've crushed on many girls throughout my life and never told them... talk about regret about what might have been.


I don't know why (of course I do)but I have always been a complete fool when it comes to girls. In elementary school, the boys always teased me for telling all the girls how beautiful they were and I always went out of my way to make the most elaborate Valentine's Day cards for my top ten "loves". I would even get in trouble with the teachers. This repelled more girls than it attracted :lol: but what the hell. In hindsight, it was almost an innocent form of harassment.

One of my favorite memories is from the third grade. A new girl, Breck, had come to our school and she was in the class next to mine. One glimpse and I was in la la land the whole day. After school, I was in line as we were piling on to the school bus to go home when I saw her walking with her mom to their car. I dropped my back-pack and hauled ass to catch her before they got to their car and drove away. I was yelling, "hey, new girl, wait, please stop" or something like that. When I reached them, I told her my name and how I thought she was the most beautiful girl in school. And of course, I told her how much I loved her. I didn't know any other word to use. Well, this didn't work on Breck but I got a big ol' smooch on the cheek from her beautiful mom.

I was literally in one of those cliched trances thinking about that kiss :oops: and totally missed my bus ride. But, Breck's mom gave me a ride home. Ahhh....I tell you, some days, it feels as if I can live off that memory. I'm a hopeless sap.

Later on, when the stakes were higher, I lost some of my fearlessness due to the sting of rejections but when you play a numbers game, something always pans out.
Last edited by astralzombie on Mon Mar 25, 2013 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby CFTraveler » Mon Mar 25, 2013 4:20 pm

That is the sweetest thing I have ever read. Brought a big smile to my face. Such a sweet kid! Never change.
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby Xanth » Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:53 pm

I definitely have to agree with CFT, that was adorable AZ. :)
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Re: I just had to deal with losing Santa Claus again

Postby astralzombie » Mon Mar 25, 2013 8:42 pm

Thank you both. Unfortunately, I have grown in to a cynical monster. :lol:
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