Ever since I was a young teenager, I could never shake this notion that for some reason I probably wasn’t going to make it out of my 30’s. I didn’t know where this information came from or why it was coming to me. Now, after 20 years of having this idea floating around in my mind, I finally realize where it was coming from and what means.
First I thought it was about dying. For one reason or another I thought I wouldn’t make it through my 30’s to see my 40’s. However, now that I look back on everything I’ve experienced over the last couple years… I look back on the transformations that have occurred in my life, I realize exactly what this “feeling” was all about. It wasn’t about me dying… nothing could have been further from the truth. Just like the “Death” card in a Tarot deck symbolizes “change”, so too did this lifelong feeling I had. It was a note to myself that my 30’s was when I’d be changing, when I’d be transforming. Forever changing how I not only viewed reality, but how reality viewed me.
My view on this world is so much different than it was a few years ago. I see a lot more of the good in the world. I’ve changed in ways I can’t even articulate, yet I know that it’s a fundamental shift in what “I am”.
I think I’ve finally learned that I really know nothing at all. LoL